haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
