I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
