I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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