Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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