the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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