i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
