my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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