Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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