He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
