should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my liver is dry heaving
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
