Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
