We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
