Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
