I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
