I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
