my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
