It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
