How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
