I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
