Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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