I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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