He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
