Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sex in a hospital.. check
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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