if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
