you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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