I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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