So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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