Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
