The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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