I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
