dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
