if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
