I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
