Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize