i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
