this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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