where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
