I can tuck mytits in my pants
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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