Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
