Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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