Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
