hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My cat gives me a boner
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
