I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
