her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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