Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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