I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
