we're blogging at a bar
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
