My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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