this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
