So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
