I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
