So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
