Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
