Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize