Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
