I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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