I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
