oh god the rape fog is back!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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