Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
