Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
