the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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