I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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