I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize