my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
PANTIES FOUND
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