"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
