You work out of a Hotel?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize