I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
