I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
