Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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