So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
