It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
