Is it because I queefed?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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