im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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