Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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