My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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